Throughout the endless void of existence,
I’ve been lucky to find many lanterns that have illuminated my tumultuous path.
The light from each of them shines in different colors and reflects against the void in rainbow like patterns.
I used to suffer from Panic Attacks on a daily basis from the time I was 13 to the time I was 25. This is something I wrote describing what those experiences felt like.
I feel a weight suddenly placing itself upon my chest.
Slowly but surely my breath starts raising like a million lighting strikes,
And with each bolt I drown deeper in the sea of darkness.
This must be what dying feels like……
That’s the thought that passes through my head.
Sweat drips down my forehead, my heart drums a march in my chest,
Is like I’m running yet I’m standing still.
It catches up to me and I’m suddenly drowned in despair,
No light can reach me as I sink further down.
Silence comes and light is once more.
And I stand here waiting for that nightmare journey to start again.
by Dilia Oviedo-Luciano
Ever since I was a child, I spent a lot of time being afraid of my own mind.
I never understood why I could see the things I saw, why I could move outside myself and see everything from and external point of view.
I’ve wasted hours, days, seconds and minutes trying to repress the many things my brain could create.
I could always create entire universes inside my mind and somehow I could remember things that should have been impossible for me to know about.
It’s taken me 28 years to finally stop policing my own thoughts and imagination and now instead of fighting it, I welcome it and question myself as to why I tried so hard to keep all those wonders locked away.
I see things with such clarity that it’s like I’m somehow floating and gravity no longer weighs me down.
I can see the many colors in all the shades of gray and beauty in the dark and ugly parts of life.
— By Dilia Oviedo-Luciano